Lessons from Europe

When I imagined living in Spain during the months leading up to moving there, I always imagined seeing beautiful cities, spending time with my wonderful host family who adored me, being confused for a native Spanish speaker, eating paella all the time…and maybe being wooed by a tall Spaniard named Antonio. What I wasn’t banking on was the shock of living with strangers, the discomfort of being the kid again, and the awkwardness of being a foreigner. I was often unsure about what was and was not okay, I felt overwhelmed in a new school, and I constantly stumbled over my words while I got used to the Spanish accent and new vocabulary. When Spain no longer felt new but wasn't yet home, an intense loneliness began to creep in and dampen my mood. And there was still no sign of Antonio. 

However, I learned some amazing lessons during these months that made the hard times worth it. These lessons are without doubt the most treasured souvenirs of my trip. So here are two of them for now, just in case they are of any use.

1.     We will not be left comfortless 

Loneliness was the hardest part for me. The foreign customs, new home, and absence of Spanish suitors didn’t really worry me, but having an incredible, formative experience all by myself was not fun. I love new experiences and I love getting to know new people, but at the end of the day, I’m a small group kind of girl. I like having my tight-knit group and having adventures together. It brings me happiness and gives me confidence. I do a lot of things on my own too, and I’m happy to go do something by myself if no one else wants to go, but at the end of the day I want to come home to my people. I met new friends in Spain, of course, and I loved my host family, but I didn’t have anyone to really share my experience with, and that was bleak.

My escape from solitude was scripture study. I discovered early on that I had the perfect set-up for uninterrupted, thorough, mission-like scripture study, and that the moment I sat down to study I felt happier. Some days I wrote almost as much as I read. It was empowering, and it lifted me up. I asked Heavenly Father to continue to bless me with peace and happiness as I continued to study daily, and then I paid attention to how each day unfolded.

An incredible thing happened. Every single day my prayer was answered, without fail. Sometimes it was through an invitation to hang out with someone. Sometimes it was a great conversation or the discovery of a new party of the city. The answer was different every time, but it was there. I still had hard days. I still felt lonely many times. But I have never been more certain that I was not alone. Any time I prayed for peace I was given it. Any time I asked to meet someone new or have a beautiful experience, my prayer was answered. 

As I realized my prayers were being answered, I paid even closer attention, and I saw more blessings. Heavenly Father truly became my constant friend. I believe He is more involved in our lives than we may understand. His hand is in all things and He never leaves us alone, but we have to pay attention.

2.     Make as many friends as you can

I learned this lesson on a particularly lonely day through a particularly tender mercy. I was tired from working hard on school projects. I was emotionally drained from feeling isolated and confined to the library and home because of school demands. I needed a friend and a hug. That afternoon I went to Gloria’s, a friend of my host family, for her English lesson. I figured I looked run down because I felt run down and didn't have the energy to hide it, but I conversed with Gloria for an hour and a half and smiled as much as I could.

At the end of the lesson, Gloria looked at me closely and asked me if I was tired. I nodded... and the tears started welling up. If I’m not okay and someone comes in the remote vicinity of asking me if I’m okay, the tears will immediately start. The more I fight them, the more persistent they become, so I knew it was a lost battle. Gloria could tell too, and, with all the tenderness I could have asked for, she asked me what was wrong. It all came spilling out--in Spanish, surprisingly.

Gloria listened and then spent a good thirty minutes telling me how normal it was to feel lonely in a new country. (Isn’t that what we are all looking for? Someone to tell us we are normal in the way we are feeling and acting? I will love Gloria forever just for this one kindness.) She told me I was going to be okay and that I just needed to force my friendship on people and tag along to their events and not even care because they probably wanted a friend as much as I did and if they were rude then I didn’t want to be friends with them anyway. I just cried all the tears that had been welling up all day and she gave me tissues and water and as much encouragement as a person could want. When I left she gave me a hug and I thanked Heavenly Father for Gloria.

That very night I took her advice. I went to a poetry reading at a corner bookstore I'd come to love, and after a few minutes of trying to look distracted by the books I finally got brave enough to introduce myself to another girl who seemed to be there by herself. In fact, the moment I decided I would go up to her, she was somehow standing right in front of me and smiling, so I had no choice but to say hello and introduce myself. I learned that she is from Russia and she has been living and working in Spain for four years. Her Spanish is beautiful and she speaks some English but she lamented that she never gets to practice conversational English. We sat together during the poetry reading, chatted a bit afterwards, and I told her that if she wanted to practice her English with me we could, as you say in Spain, drink a cup. She eagerly accepted and we exchanged numbers. 

Over the next few days, I adamantly invited people to do things and invited myself to do things with them. One of the people I forced my friendship on was a girl I worked with. I asked her if she wanted to eat lunch together. She immediately accepted my invitation, showed me a lunchroom called The Cave, and at the end she said we should eat lunch together again. I had been afraid to ask her before because she seemed so cool and I figured she had lots of friends and that I would be imposing or bugging her. I’m so glad I asked because that lunch turned out to be an enriching experience. In fact, I had wonderful experiences pretty much every time I made the effort to become friends with someone.  

Gloria was right. When we are in need of a friend, we somehow think we’re the only one and that everyone else is good, but I suspect that most people want friends more than they let on. We all want to be wanted, but we can’t wait for other people to make the effort. We need to be the ones to start the conversations and invitations. If we start talking to people who would otherwise just pass through our lives anonymously, I think we will discover that there are a lot of really great, interesting people out there and we'll be glad we met them.