On Being Single at 27

I always wanted to be married around age 24. I’m not sure why. It just seemed like a good age to me—not too young and not too old.

My parents were married at 27, so there’s never been any expectation or pressure to get married young, but somehow 27 seemed old to me. (Probably because parents always seem old when you’re a kid.)

I had this small fear of never being able to travel, finish school, be independent, etc. if I got married too young. So 24 seemed like a good compromise.

Well, obviously, that didn’t happen. Twenty-four came and went and, as Charlotte Lucas so aptly puts it, “I’m twenty-seven years old. I’ve no money and no prospects.”

Over the years, I’ve had my share of pity parties. Sometimes they are small gatherings. Other times they’re full-on block parties. But most days I am genuinely happy, and I don’t think much about my marital status.

Until, as inevitably happens every few months, someone—usually a well-meaning person who has been married for years and years—asks why I’m not married.

My fellow single friends have given me some excellent suggestions for a reply. One of my favorites was to take a deep breath like I’m going to say something incredibly insightful and revealing…and then turn around and walk away.

What I really want to say, though, is this:

First, there is an answer to that question: It’s not time yet. Why it’s not time is for God to know and me to find out as He wills it.   

Second, why does this question even need to be asked? I know it’s well meaning and is supposed to be a roundabout compliment, but asking it cheapens me as a person by implying that I’m not complete without a husband. And it diminishes this wonderful period of my life where I’m able to discover myself and further my education and work hard and play hard and gain faith and learn to trust—in other words, a very full, productive time.

Instead of speculating why I’m not married and saying flippant things like, “Isn’t that hard?” why not focus on what makes my life full and happy right now, just the way it is? Because I’ll gladly tell you what makes me happy:

·      Working in a job that I enjoy, using the skills I developed over 5 long years of school

·      Getting ready for graduate school in the fall

·      Teaching English to the cutest 80-year-old Ecuadorian lady

·      Teaching Spanish to the cutest 5-year-old

·      Coordinating language exchanges and making friends from Spain, México, and Bolivia

·      Taking singing lessons—and actually improving!

·      Traveling/seeing new places

·      Camping and hiking

·      Having random adventures with friends

·      Serving in callings that I love

·      Going to the temple

·      Going to institute and coming out with renewed faith and determination every week

·      Running

·      Learning new recipes

·      Becoming a better planner

·      Reading

·      Vegging in front of Kimmy Schmidt, Gilmore Girls, and Parenthood

·      Nerdy conversations about linguistics

Ask any of my single friends what they’re up to and they’ll tell you they’re buying houses, getting their own apartment, moving to new cities, getting their first big break in their career, getting raises, furthering their education, serving the people around them, being awesome aunts and uncles, taking cruises, learning new skills, and having tons of fun.

Sure we get frustrated some days when we see wedding announcements from girls we used to babysit or find out that a friend is having not their first or second but their fourth kid.  

But we are blessed. Our lives are full and meaningful. So instead of focusing on what we don’t have, focus on what we do.

That doesn’t mean you can’t ask about dating. I don’t mind at all if people ask whether I’m dating someone. That’s a big part of my life right now. If I say yes, awesome! If not, let’s just move on to a new subject. No need to dwell on it. It just means there’s currently no one of the male persuasion whom I want to spend an inordinate amount of time with, not that I’m dying.

In times past, the weight of being single has been crushing. I’ve felt forgotten, left behind, or even toyed with by God when a promising relationship failed. But it’s never been impossible to bear. And I know now that I’ve never been forgotten. No one is ever forgotten by Heavenly Father.  

No one is immune to challenges. We tend to foolishly wish for different trials, thinking we shouldn’t have to go through such hard times. But I’m grateful for mine, and I don’t wish this time away.

Along the way, God gives us help and hope. For me, I have been blessed with several strong, inspiring women in my life. They are doing wonderful things, following their careers and passions, loving life, and serving others. They’ve been incredible examples of fulfilling one’s potential, and God has given us each other to lean on.

He loves each of us perfectly and will help us through whatever we are going through. I know that with certainty now, and I’m not sure I would without this challenge.